This is a huge pet-peeve of mine but the truth is it is also a very dangerous and destructive piece of the Pagan lifestyle.  

What you see all too often in forums, and social media outlets is the “help” that folks offer.  The problem is they are not actually skilled at helping.  So let me lay out what that looks like, because I know you have seen it and will recognise it.

There are 3 ways to “help” that we are going to look at today.

1. The first is looking at what is happening with the person, the actual issue.  Not the 10 second drive by of information.
2. The second is just assuming you know and projecting your own issues onto their situation.
3. The third is offering a tool or further help.

So how does this lay out?  You see a post that says something like:

I am really having a hard day today.

The person who wants to help - but is clueless has probably been to a tele-seminar, read a book or an article and has had hard days that they think are harder than most other peoples hard days.  They apply option #2 (FYI this is the person who is doing it all wrong, and would do best to not even “help”)  They reply with something like:

• Well remember to be in the flow.
• Like attracts like, what did you do to bring this hard day on?
• Don’t resist, work with what is, because it is all about you.

Now if they had instead applied actual skills, tools or critical thinking or even compassion - they would have instead started with option #1 and found out WHY that person is having a hard day OR just wished them well on their path and moved on.  

The person may be having a hard day because they are:

• a rape survivor and court is that day
• they may have just had their pet dog of 13 years die
• the person may have just gotten home from the doctor where they learned that they need to have heart surgery and they have no insurance

The list goes on and on and on.   

Now think for just a moment you tell the rape survivor well like attracts like, what did you do to bring this hard day on?

Wow you are not winning ANY award for helping - are you?

So when and where does #3 come in?  It comes in not in a drive by toss out a one liner or even six lines of your “great wisdom”.  It instead comes from a place of hey this is a resource that helped me, and might help you.  

Or would you like me to come with you?  or what are you struggling with that you want to change?  Not from assumptions of your own life.  

And it always comes after having actual knowledge of the person and what their need is - because it is about them and it is NOT about YOU.

While you may have been a person who grew up with no self-esteem and that was what YOU needed to change to have better days; another person might instead have excellent self esteem and instead need practical application of asking for medical assistance.  

There is a pretty big difference in helping, and having a tool box of resources to share - and just being a tool that no one really needs.